Jupiter Jones destiny is to be an heiress of intergalactic nobility who must fight to protect the inhabitants of Earth, but her reality as a woman consists of cleaning other people's houses and endless bad breaks.
The storytelling is clumsy, the characters are befuddling, and the Wachowskis' action sequences - once so graceful and thrilling - are ugly, noisy, and worst of all, boring.
'Jupiter Ascending' is a thematic cornucopia of 'Star Wars/Trek/Gate,' 'The Matrix,' 'Predator,' 'Wolf,' even 'Turbo' (the snail cartoon), and at least seven more.
Where were the Guardians of the Galaxy when we needed them? If only they had prevented the disastrous atrocity that is "Jupiter Ascending" from infiltrating Earth's movie theaters before it was too late!
