"I don't think Victoria has been right since that house fell on her sister (referring to Le magicien...
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"I don't think Victoria has been right since that house fell on her sister (referring to Le magicien d'Oz (1939)).
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(about Goldust) "He's twisted, perverted... he's sick. Normally, I like that in a person, but..."
(about Goldust) "He's twisted, perverted... he's sick. Normally, I like that in a person, but..."
[commenting on the movie Congo (1995)] I've seen better film on teeth.
[commenting on the movie Congo (1995)] I've seen better film on teeth.
[Jim Ross asks why Lawler keeps referring to these fans as idiots and morons] We gave them an IQ tes...
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[Jim Ross asks why Lawler keeps referring to these fans as idiots and morons] We gave them an IQ test and the results came back negative!
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Hey Finkel, the last time I saw something like you, I flushed it!
Hey Finkel, the last time I saw something like you, I flushed it!
The only reason why Taka Michinoku is here in this country is because there are too many people in J...
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The only reason why Taka Michinoku is here in this country is because there are too many people in Japan.
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There goes Matt Hardy! Go Matt! ...Oh wait a minute, I'm rooting for the Dudleys...somebody stop Mat...
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There goes Matt Hardy! Go Matt! ...Oh wait a minute, I'm rooting for the Dudleys...somebody stop Matt!
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(about the Blue Meanie) "He's the reason for separate beds."
(about the Blue Meanie) "He's the reason for separate beds."
(Referring to Stacy Keibler dancing on the commentators' desk) "All these curves, and no brakes!"
(Referring to Stacy Keibler dancing on the commentators' desk) "All these curves, and no brakes!"
(talking to Michael Coulthard (aka "Michael Cole") "Your proctologist called, he said he found your ...
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(talking to Michael Coulthard (aka "Michael Cole") "Your proctologist called, he said he found your head".
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Cheating is only cheating when you get caught.
Cheating is only cheating when you get caught.
[Tazz tells Lawler to say his wise cracks to his face] Tell him to come down and I will tell him how...
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[Tazz tells Lawler to say his wise cracks to his face] Tell him to come down and I will tell him how short he is to his face. If I can bend down that far!
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[on Ahmed Johnson] He has the IQ of 2 and it takes 3 just to grunt!
[on Ahmed Johnson] He has the IQ of 2 and it takes 3 just to grunt!
She wants me. I can read her like a book, but I prefer the Braille edition.
She wants me. I can read her like a book, but I prefer the Braille edition.
Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.
Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.
I couldn't warm up to Andy Kaufman if we were cremated together.
I couldn't warm up to Andy Kaufman if we were cremated together.
I'm not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everybody equally!
I'm not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everybody equally!
A little sex on TV never hurt anyone...unless you fall off!
A little sex on TV never hurt anyone...unless you fall off!
(about the Legion of Doom) "The older they get, the better they were."
(about the Legion of Doom) "The older they get, the better they were."
I'd like to see things from your point of view JR, but I'd have to get my head out of my rear end.
I'd like to see things from your point of view JR, but I'd have to get my head out of my rear end.
Is it true that the toughest 4 years of your life was the 3rd grade?
Is it true that the toughest 4 years of your life was the 3rd grade?
[after Vince McMahon said Road Dogg can sing as good as well as he can wrestle] Then he won't win ma...
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[after Vince McMahon said Road Dogg can sing as good as well as he can wrestle] Then he won't win many matches!
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[about Road Dogg] When he was in Desert Storm, he was getting shot at by both sides.
[about Road Dogg] When he was in Desert Storm, he was getting shot at by both sides.
(After losing the "Kiss My Foot Match" to Bret Hart at the 1995 King of the Ring) "Bret Hart, I have...
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(After losing the "Kiss My Foot Match" to Bret Hart at the 1995 King of the Ring) "Bret Hart, I have to admit it, your feet are the smelliest there is, the smelliest there was, and the smelliest there ever will be!"
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(Jim Ross said his view of Vince McMahon firing Stone Cold Steve Austin) "Well, get your head out of...
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(Jim Ross said his view of Vince McMahon firing Stone Cold Steve Austin) "Well, get your head out of your butt and you'd have a different view!"
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Everytime I look at Luna's face, I think she should put the bag back on.
Everytime I look at Luna's face, I think she should put the bag back on.
(about the Spirit Squad) These guys have a future in delivering pizzas.
(about the Spirit Squad) These guys have a future in delivering pizzas.
Is that Paul Bearer's face, or did his butt grow a nose?
Is that Paul Bearer's face, or did his butt grow a nose?
You know what they call a good looking girl in Philadelphia...a tourist.
You know what they call a good looking girl in Philadelphia...a tourist.
[on Owen Hart running away from Stone Cold Steve Austin] Looks like Owen opened up a can of haul-ass...
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[on Owen Hart running away from Stone Cold Steve Austin] Looks like Owen opened up a can of haul-ass!
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When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!
When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!
[to X-Pac] If brains were chocolate, he still wouldn't fill an M&M!
[to X-Pac] If brains were chocolate, he still wouldn't fill an M&M!
[Jim Ross mentions that Lawler would be wrestling at a local event] That's right, I'll be there. You...
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[Jim Ross mentions that Lawler would be wrestling at a local event] That's right, I'll be there. You know my only regret is that I can't sit out in the audience and watch me.
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Look at Paul Bearer. Looks like somebody dropped an ugly bomb on him.
Look at Paul Bearer. Looks like somebody dropped an ugly bomb on him.
If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks?
If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks?
[Jim Ross implies that Sunny is too young for Lawler] I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger wo...
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[Jim Ross implies that Sunny is too young for Lawler] I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school.
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I saw this guy having a drink in the bathroom before. Then the seat fell down and hit him on the hea...
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I saw this guy having a drink in the bathroom before. Then the seat fell down and hit him on the head!
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[about Debra McMichael] If her skirt were any shorter, it'd be a collar!
[about Debra McMichael] If her skirt were any shorter, it'd be a collar!
[to Vince McMahon] You're so cheap, you wouldn't even tip a canoe!
[to Vince McMahon] You're so cheap, you wouldn't even tip a canoe!
You know what they say in Arkansas...manure happens.
You know what they say in Arkansas...manure happens.
If Mae Young is going to breast feed, all that baby's going to get is evaporated milk.
If Mae Young is going to breast feed, all that baby's going to get is evaporated milk.
[Sunny comes to the ring with her chest showing] I don't know what the seven wonders of the world ar...
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[Sunny comes to the ring with her chest showing] I don't know what the seven wonders of the world are, but I do know that Sunny has two of them!
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(Gold medalist Kurt Angle asked the Canadian wrestler, Chris Benoit, if he's such a good wrestler, w...
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(Gold medalist Kurt Angle asked the Canadian wrestler, Chris Benoit, if he's such a good wrestler, where are his gold medals?) "Canada never wins any medals!"
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When Sunny was in school she wasn't very good in history, but she was great on dates!
When Sunny was in school she wasn't very good in history, but she was great on dates!
I'm not saying that Stu Hart is old, but I hear that Anna Nicole Smith is asking him out on a date.
I'm not saying that Stu Hart is old, but I hear that Anna Nicole Smith is asking him out on a date.
[on seeing Shawn Michaels defeating Bret Hart in Montreal]: I was as shocked as Bret Hart was, but I...
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[on seeing Shawn Michaels defeating Bret Hart in Montreal]: I was as shocked as Bret Hart was, but I was not quite as upset!
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Yokozuna is nothing but an ingrate! If it was not for James E. Cornette, Yokozuna would still be on ...
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Yokozuna is nothing but an ingrate! If it was not for James E. Cornette, Yokozuna would still be on a beach selling shade!
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Vince McMahon thinks Snoop Doggy Dog belongs to Charlie Brown!
Vince McMahon thinks Snoop Doggy Dog belongs to Charlie Brown!
[Terry Funk did a moonsault and hit his leg on the security railing] The only thing harder than Terr...
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[Terry Funk did a moonsault and hit his leg on the security railing] The only thing harder than Terry Funk's legs are his arteries.
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This bingo hall (ECW Arena) should be built out of toilet paper because there's nothing in it but s*...
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This bingo hall (ECW Arena) should be built out of toilet paper because there's nothing in it but s**t!
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Women should be ob-scene and not heard.
Women should be ob-scene and not heard.
[talking to Takao Yoshida about foreigners] Statistics prove that somewhere in Japan, a woman gives ...
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[talking to Takao Yoshida about foreigners] Statistics prove that somewhere in Japan, a woman gives birth to a baby every four seconds. Now I'm going to go over there and find that woman and put a stop to it so we wouldn't have people like this coming into our country.
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Jake 'The Snake's' two best friends are Jim Beam & Jack Daniels.
Jake 'The Snake's' two best friends are Jim Beam & Jack Daniels.
You know J.R., obviously the only exercise you get is stretching the truth or jumping to conclusions...
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You know J.R., obviously the only exercise you get is stretching the truth or jumping to conclusions.
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[to Jim Ross] You have diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain!"
[to Jim Ross] You have diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain!"
(to Mick Foley) "Hey Mick, where'd you get your haircut? I want to make sure I don't go there by mis...
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(to Mick Foley) "Hey Mick, where'd you get your haircut? I want to make sure I don't go there by mistake!"
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[on Sable, wearing an extremely revealing outfit] I've seen more cotton on the top of an aspirin bot...
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[on Sable, wearing an extremely revealing outfit] I've seen more cotton on the top of an aspirin bottle!
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(about Crash Holly) "Crash is so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo!"
(about Crash Holly) "Crash is so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo!"
The only reason I lost to Aldo Montoya was the intoxicating fumes there were coming off his body fro...
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The only reason I lost to Aldo Montoya was the intoxicating fumes there were coming off his body from being around Jake Roberts.
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(about Mae Young) "Her wrinkles have wrinkles."
(about Mae Young) "Her wrinkles have wrinkles."
Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!
Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!
[on Mankind] That guy is two fries short of a Happy Meal.
[on Mankind] That guy is two fries short of a Happy Meal.
Paul Bearer is so fat, he has his own gravitational pull!
Paul Bearer is so fat, he has his own gravitational pull!
Diesel is so stupid, he thought Hamburger Helper came with a person.
Diesel is so stupid, he thought Hamburger Helper came with a person.
(about Mark Henry) "Look at the lips on that guy, he could french kiss a moose."
(about Mark Henry) "Look at the lips on that guy, he could french kiss a moose."
Prince Albert respects the Big Boss Man so much he'd give him the hair off his back.
Prince Albert respects the Big Boss Man so much he'd give him the hair off his back.
Mabel is so huge, when he was a baby, he got baptized at Sea World!
Mabel is so huge, when he was a baby, he got baptized at Sea World!
This is bad! We should call the police. What's the number for the police around here again? 911-DONU...
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This is bad! We should call the police. What's the number for the police around here again? 911-DONUTS or something?
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(to Michael Cole) "She's not your type. She's not inflatable."
(to Michael Cole) "She's not your type. She's not inflatable."
(to Macho Man Randy Savage) "Nice outfit, did the bag lady give that to you?"
(to Macho Man Randy Savage) "Nice outfit, did the bag lady give that to you?"
[talking to Jim Ross prior to a bikini contest] Should Viagra be taken now or, it takes a little whi...
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[talking to Jim Ross prior to a bikini contest] Should Viagra be taken now or, it takes a little while to kick in you know? [Jim Ross says Lawler doesn't need it] "No, I'm talking about you, J.R."
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What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck ...
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What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up!
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[on Alundra Blayze] She's got a million dollar body, but a ten cent face!
[on Alundra Blayze] She's got a million dollar body, but a ten cent face!
When God said 'Let there be light', Mae Young threw the switch.
When God said 'Let there be light', Mae Young threw the switch.
Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them.
Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them.
Mark Henry just walked in front of me. I thought it was an eclipse!
Mark Henry just walked in front of me. I thought it was an eclipse!
[Stone Cold Steve Austin says he'll knock Vince McMahon's teeth out] "I don't think they are real an...
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[Stone Cold Steve Austin says he'll knock Vince McMahon's teeth out] "I don't think they are real anyway, but I don't think McMahon wants to lose them".
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[about a ringside fan on camera] He can pick up cable with those ears!
[about a ringside fan on camera] He can pick up cable with those ears!
[Jim Ross says he has two daughters] "Not packing enough chromosomes, huh? I'm sorry Ross!
[Jim Ross says he has two daughters] "Not packing enough chromosomes, huh? I'm sorry Ross!
[when asked if Stu Hart was betting that Owen Hart would win the match] He gave up betting after the...
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[when asked if Stu Hart was betting that Owen Hart would win the match] He gave up betting after the Civil War.
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Mae Young is so old, when David killed Goliath, she called the cops!
Mae Young is so old, when David killed Goliath, she called the cops!
She's had more hands on her than a doorknob.
She's had more hands on her than a doorknob.
(about the Fabulous Moolah) "She was a waitress at the last supper."
(about the Fabulous Moolah) "She was a waitress at the last supper."
I've heard of a face that could stop a clock, her face could stop Switzerland's!
I've heard of a face that could stop a clock, her face could stop Switzerland's!
Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!
Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!
(When asked if he was an "ass man"): "Well I must be, because everywhere I go people say, 'you're an...
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(When asked if he was an "ass man"): "Well I must be, because everywhere I go people say, 'you're an ass, man!'"
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Women! Can't live with 'em, no resale value.
Women! Can't live with 'em, no resale value.
[a five year old girl cheering Shawn Michaels] Look at her! Now I know why animals eat their young.
[a five year old girl cheering Shawn Michaels] Look at her! Now I know why animals eat their young.
