I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
I've been married for 34 years, and I'm still in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out...
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I've been married for 34 years, and I'm still in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into ...
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.
I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
I was so ugly when I was born that the doctor slapped my mother.
I was so ugly when I was born that the doctor slapped my mother.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
[on seafood restaurants] The catch of the day was hepatitis.
[on seafood restaurants] The catch of the day was hepatitis.
My dad was the town drunk. Usually that's not so bad, but New York City?
My dad was the town drunk. Usually that's not so bad, but New York City?
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
Take my wife ... please!
Take my wife ... please!